The Second Blob of Hope

A medicated cycle for FET will be easier they said. We have more control they said. You won’t need as many scans they said. They haven’t met my uterus clearly (well they have, repeatedly, but it’s a law unto itself). 5 scans, increased estrogen tablets and I was convinced we’d have to cancel yet again. Then finally, although the triple lining wasn’t as clear as they’d liked, a doctor said we were good to go with the FET!

Cue the over-thinking…….is it triple lined? Was he doctor just clutching at straws so we didn’t have to cancel again?

The FET went well – my little frostie thawed perfectly so we still have a remaining one available for a future FET. We’re currently in the dreaded 2 week wait. So far I’ve managed to be busy enough at work to not think too much about every twinge and cramp and to worry about what might be. In fact I haven’t felt anything at all – which is now where the worrying and overthinking begins!

The part of this I find the most difficult is telling my family and the few friends that know that it hasn’t worked when I’m completely devastated myself. It feels as if I’m disappointing them for failing at the one thing my body is supposed to do most naturally. I saw friends this weekend who already referred to me as being pregnant. I know they are only trying to be positive but the way I see it, I’d much rather think I wasn’t and be happy than think I am and be disappointed.

I’ve learnt from my last mistake of testing early. The false positive was unbearable. My 2 week wait is officially up on Wednesday but have asked to not go for the test until Saturday. Having to call up for the results during work then walking straight back into my classroom to teach is unthinkable. I’ll do a test myself on Wednesday morning and try not to fall apart when it inevitably comes back negative.

Sorry folks, a miserable post today. The hormones are extreme.

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